I Have to Be Really Careful What I Say About That

Describe a situation that you were or could have been in that had a real exigency, serious constraints, and an audience that was paying close attention to your words, because it mattered to them. This could be a family situation, a social situation, a workplace situation. -- basically a situation in which you were 'walking on egg shells'. Describe the exigence, constraints, and the stakes for your audience.  Then describe what you said to them, and say whether it displayed rightness-of-fit. You should write at least one paragraph for the exigence, audience, constraints portion, and at least one paragraph on your response and its rightness of fit. You can be imaginative here if you can't think of a real incident -- the point is to think carefully about how to match your words to sensitive situations.

One situation where I had to be careful about what I said was when I ran into my ex-boyfriend at this year's Lotus Festival. (Lotus is a bit of a tradition from my high school; the juniors and seniors and some teachers all come to Bloomington for that Friday, and many alums come too, including some that don't go to IU like him.) Clearly, the exigence was that I was in a situation where I was caught between my instinct--run away--and the thing I thought I should have done, which was speak to him in a friendly manner like two grown adults. I felt a sense of urgency because I wanted to look like a mature and better person in the situation, and there was an unlikely chance I would have a possible opportunity to talk to him, nevertheless actually see him.

A major constraint was that I shouldn't bring up the relationship or say anything that could be seen as emotional, because he'd made it pretty clear he didn't know how to have any emotions for friendships and felt awkward when they cropped up, especially for me. I also shouldn't mention how I hadn't seen him much because our friend group didn't extend invitations for me. I should also not fall into my habit of getting defense or feeling the need to justify myself, like saying "oh, I didn't want to join a club like that because of my commitments," because my insecure comments like that had caused rifts in our relationship and friendship 

The stakes were likely our memories of each other, because it was unlikely we would interact much after that. It was especially important that it be positive--or at least, mature--because our last encounter was extremely frustrating and he had the wrong impression of it (I was talking to some friends about other friends, specifically not him because he wasn't the problem, but of course he thought it was about him), and he would not be convinced otherwise. I wanted to make the impression that I was not looking to tear him down but I was happily in a new stage of my life. As he was essentially my only audience (I admit a small part of me did think about how he may relate this encounter to mutual friends and his family, should they ask), I was focused on making sure he would perceive me in a positive way.

Ultimately, I ended up asking him how he was doing and we talked about our experiences at college, trading anecdotes, though I wish I could have been as happy as he was--I was still shaken from seeing him there. At the end I said, "I'm glad you're doing well with college," which seemed like the mature thing to say. (He was not so mature and didn't say something back, and he had spent most of the encounter seemingly suggesting that my new friends weren't playing the best card games and stuff like that.) Nevertheless, I think I came off positively, even if not overly enthusiastic, and it fit the situation because I focused on catching up with our lives, avoided heavy topics, and made the grown-up "I'm glad you're doing well" statement. I think I did come off as the mature person--certainly more comfortable and mature than in previous encounters!--even if I was annoyed by his behavior.